Cultivating inner safety

Mid last year, I had a vision of myself as a magician.

I performed magic tricks in a small back room of a castle for a handful of guests. Their eyes shined with glee and fascination by the ease in which I moved. I felt so grounded. So entranced with my art form and the power that I'd wielded in my personal playground.

And nobody outside the room knew. Because I had closed the main entrance, hung up a "closed" sign, and turned off the lights. There was no hint of activity from the outside.

While helping a client process sadness recently, I noticed that she kept leaving her body and going into her mind. Rationalizing, intellectualizing, and analyzing what was happening as a defense mechanism from feeling. And in doing so, suppressing and intensifying the emotion that desired acknowledgement.

I pointed this out and invited her to breathe into the tightness in her throat where the sadness lived in her body. I asked if she was able to bring in tenderness to that part of herself that was afraid to feel sad. We stayed here for a while.

After the tension in her throat dissolved into a softness, we talked about what that was like. And discovered a resistance to allowing tenderness. Because tenderness for her required vulnerability. And it wasn't safe for her yet to be vulnerable with herself in her sadness. It was the reason why sadness was surfacing daily; it was stuck in her body.

For self-compassion and tenderness to reach us, we must first be a safe vessel to receive its gifts.

Holding space for her humanity reminded me of the ways I've learned not to receive my own tenderness. All the ways I've turned away from myself when I needed my own support the most.

But in the small back room of the metaphorical magic castle, I was different. I held myself, all parts of me. Because I was with people who saw me. And because I allowed myself to be seen. By me. Again and again, and I turned towards her, not away, each time.

Are you a safe vessel to receive your own tenderness, grace, and compassion in the areas that need it the most?

If you want help, reach out and let's explore what it might look like to cultivate 1% more safety within.