Understanding our true selves

Something amazing I noticed about my baby is that she knows to stop eating when she's not hungry anymore.

Nobody taught her.

We’re designed to instinctively know when we’re hungry and when we’re full.

There was a time in my life where I struggled to know my hunger cues.

My brain would send me false hunger cues when I felt bored, restless, or anxious. It had learned that overeating was socially acceptable. Overeating was easier and more convenient than dealing with the unhappiness, stress, and overwhelm underneath.

When I grew tired of struggling, I spent a few months recording how I felt before and after each time I ate.

The goal was to get a baseline of emotional and physiological data for my brain to reference. I wanted to retrain it to discern which cues were true hunger. I began to ask myself hard questions about what was really going on when I found myself eating when I wasn't hungry.

Disconnecting from and overriding my own knowing was gradual. It was a result of choosing attachment over what was true for me growing up:

Every time my parents berated me for leaving food on the table when I was no longer hungry. Every time I felt pressured to eat to not make someone else feel bad.

I feared disapproval and judgment so I acquiesced despite wanting to do the opposite.

Each incident chipped away at my self-trust. Each self-violation added up and turned into beliefs:

I can’t trust myself to know what’s best for me.

My authenticity hurts other peoples' feelings.

What I wish someone had told me back then is this:

It’s not your fault when you ignore what’s true for you to get approval, belonging, and love.

It’s not your fault when you dismiss or downplay your desires to please someone else.

It’s not your fault when your gut says no but you say yes.

I can trace it all back to societal/patriarchal/cultural/religious/capitalistic conditioning.

The first step is awareness—shining a light on the unconscious thought patterns.

Notice:

Where are you ignoring what’s true for you to get approval, belonging, and love?

Where are you dismissing or downplaying your desires to please someone else?

Where are you saying yes when your gut says no?

There’s no need to blame or judge (yourself or anyone else). There’s nothing to fix here. We’re just noticing, then pausing.

Can you bring love to the part of you, where your true self lives, from which you’ve learned to disconnect and ignore?

If it feels difficult, it’s because it is.

If you want to chat about how I can support you in connecting back to that part of yourself, message me. I’m here for you.