Challenging our self-concept

We say many things about ourselves to others that we believe are facts. Non-negotiable. ⁣⁣⁣⁠

A common one I hear is “I’m not structured.”⁣⁣⁣⁠

A client once told me exactly this. She was adamant about not being able to keep a schedule and presented evidence to support her case.⁣⁣⁣⁠

I asked how she managed to show up to our call on time if she wasn’t structured.⁣⁣⁣⁠

She paused, chuckling.⁣⁣⁣⁠

It never occurred to her that she might be seen as structured in someone else’s eyes.⁣⁣⁣⁠

This is important to know because our thoughts about ourselves create how we feel, what we do or don’t do, and ultimately the results in our lives.⁣⁣⁣⁠

When my client doesn’t believe she’s structured, she feels out of control. She then lives at the effect of other people’s requests for her time and spins in busywork. She ends up blocking herself from scheduling the work that’s important to her. This result, repeated, reinforces her self-image as someone who isn’t structured.⁣⁣⁣⁠

When we think we’re not structured, we fall into all-or-nothing thinking and dismiss the ways that we are structured. Like being on time to appointments and to our jobs. We miss out on challenging the definition of what “structured” means and what it could mean for us. ⁣⁣⁣⁠

Think of an opinion you have about yourself. ⁣⁣⁣⁠

Do you want to keep it? ⁣⁣⁣⁠

If not, are you open to renegotiating your self-image?⁣⁣⁠